Jonathan Redden starts an occasional series looking at marriage, and how God feels about this foundational gift …..
High Pressure Concern
Marriage, as an institution, has come under enormous pressure. In many Western nations marriage rates have decreased. In the UK the number has fallen by 45% since 1972. 2017 saw fewer than a quarter of marriages being conducted as religious ceremonies. Not only have its purposes and practices been undermined, many are trying to redefine it in their own way.
For millennia marriage has been regarded as a relationship between one man and one woman, but in recent years laws have been passed to include other ‘definitions’. Some now think that consented polyamory should be given marital status with accompanying legal rights. Proactive recognition of same gender relationships is an agenda that has been knocking at the doors of all the Christian ‘denominations’. Some, today, are giving way to this agenda.
Nevertheless, the biblical view of marriage has been reaffirmed by many official church bodies. And it rests on the following principles, echoed at the beginning of marriage services: marriage is an ordinance and covenant instituted by God from the beginning of human creation. The nature and purposes of marriage are often described in various orders according to differing Christian denominations, but by and large they are the same.
Being alone ….
It is stated in the book of Genesis that it is not good for man to be alone (Genesis 2:18). Marriage, therefore, is a remedy for loneliness enabling couples to find delight and fulfilment in each other’s company. It was never a dominating hierarchical state, but one of mutual companionship. For Christians the relationship is based on God’s leading and God’s love which in turn radiates out in love and care for each other, and together towards others and the rest of the world.
Whilst we acknowledge that our marriages are not perfect, to a greater or lesser extent they represent symbolically Christ’s perfect love for His church (Ephesians 5:32). Marriage enables the God-given natural instincts of men and women to be directed in a God-honouring way. To be blunt, marriage helps us avoid extra-marital sex, and provides that we should not be like beasts that have no understanding. Marriage provides a measure of security for both men and women in a sexually respectful, committed and joyful relationship.
Marriage is God’s means for providing the safe and loving nurture of children. There is usually an associated requirement that children should be brought up in the ways of God. The inclusion of children into the purpose of marriage is the foundation of the basic family unit. It means that the couple are not only thinking of themselves, their needs and fulfilment, but also the needs of others – that is, their family. Some liturgies put the needs of children first on the list of reasons for marriage.
So what is marriage?
Marriage is monogamous (Genesis 2:24). When a couple marry, they leave their parents and establish a new family unit. Although polygamy has been recognized in some cultures – and even in early Israel as we shall see – it was never part of God’s original plan.
Marriage is an exclusive union. Many people consider it ‘reasonable’ to have extra-marital affairs, and that no one should fuss but rather everyone accept these things as an inevitable part of human behaviour. Not so in Christian marriage: the promises of fidelity, in spite of all the hardships that life presents, are valid for life – in good times and bad, wealth or poverty, sickness and health.
Marriage is a lifelong union separated only by death. This ideal should be normative but is eroded by certain painful pre-divorce behaviours such as infidelity, desertion, abuse, violence and destructive/mortal hatred.
Marriage, in summary, is provided by God for the well-being and good order of society as a whole. Governments know this, intuitively, although most are reluctant to admit it. Strong marriages are less likely to require many of the provisions of the over-stretched social security system. However, there is a need for caution here; those who have strong marriages and families should not look down upon the needs of those who, through no fault of their own, have been denied such blessings and benefits along with a supportive family. At some stage, we all require the help of resilient and well-resourced public services.
Differing views
In the last 150 years this summarized view of Christian marriage has come under increasing criticism. In their book, Understanding the Times: The Collision of Today’s Competing Worldviews (Summit Press, 2006), David Noebel and Robert Rimmer state their rejection of traditional Christian marriage.
They argue that secular humanist sociologists are intolerant of the biblical view of the traditional family. They cite the institution of marriage as a prime example of the failure of Christian culture to provide freedoms that encourage human potential and growth. Heterosexual monogamy, they argue, epitomizes social slavery in its restrictions and inhibitions. It was suggested, “Marriage and family life have been largely responsible…for today’s prevailing neurotic climate, with its pervasive insecurity, and it is precisely this climate that makes so difficult the acceptance of a different, healthier way of life.” Plainly, this polemic is highly debatable!
Furthermore, “The traditional family, with all its supposed attributes, enslaved woman; it reduced her to a breeder and caretaker of children, a servant to her spouse, a cleaning lady, and at times a victim of the labour market as well.” Again, such extreme views are obviously debatable! For their part, Christians utterly reject this critique. Nowhere in the Old or New Testaments is there anything approaching this caricature of the Christian plan of marriage. As we shall see throughout this series, in many practical instances, marriage imperfections are noted and their consequences act as warnings for us.
Recently, the police killing of George Floyd has drawn attention to the “Black Lives Matter” movement. Whilst the words are admirable, in many ways it must be observed that not everyone is aware of the Marxist agenda that BLM promotes. One of BLM’s ambitions is the abandonment of the nuclear family since such an institution is claimed to disadvantage certain ethnic minorities. Link: Rethinking Families and Community: The Color, Class, and Centrality of Extended Kin Ties†
Naomi GerstelFirst published: 06 February 2011 https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1573-7861.2010.01222.x
Not all secularists support this scathing Humanist condemnation. Some give a measure of acceptance to the Christian view. But we must note there is no one coherent settled humanist ‘structure’ of marriage. In the main, Humanists aspire to challenge marriage laws and want marriage to mean whatever a person decides they want it to mean.
Principles
Set against this background, it is important to state that although at present Christians are unlikely to persuade humanists to their view, it is necessary for Christians to have, in their own minds, firmly lodged the principles of marriage on which we stand.
Reference is often given to a biblical or Christian view of marriage. Nevertheless, many Christians emphasize that there is no separate status of Christian marriage; only marriage, period. There is much to commend this view but we need to understand that Christians have specific ideas as to what marriage should look like. There have been numerous books on how that ideal may be achieved. And while some reference biblical examples, there is little analysis as to how these ideals worked out in the diversity of marriages encountered in the Scriptures.
Not whitewashed
The marriages of the Bible are not whitewashed narratives, but rather are truthful descriptions, indicating success, failure, love, indifference and varying motives. These include many surprises, encouragements and warnings as to how we should conduct our own relationships, whether we are married or single. In examining marriages of the Bible in a modern context, it is inevitable that the subject of divorce and remarriage arises. That subject is not a major aspect of this short series of articles, but will be given concise and sensitive treatment.
I hope that in reading these adventures – whether married, single, widowed or divorced – we will be enabled to thank God for this wonderful institution and pray that it will endure to the good and betterment of all.
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Jonathan Redden worked as a consultant orthopaedic surgeon. After retirement he studied theology at Bible College. He has lectured extensively in Europe and China and has written scientific papers on arthroscopic and orthopaedic surgery.
He is the author of From Romania with Hope; Expository Thoughts on Acts – A Surgeon Looks at a Physician’s Narrative; Exploratory Thoughts on Luke – A Surgeon Examines a Physician’s Gospel and Desperate Prayer.
Jonathan Redden continues this short series over the next few months.
Some free material on marriage from God’s perspective can be found here:
https://christian-publications-int.com/images/e-Books/OneFlesh.pdf
This book is freely available in other formats – MOBI and PRC, just visit the CPI website.
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